The day didn't go like I imagined. It wasn't that it was a bad day. I had not really imagined much. This is how my 4th went. Picture Norman Rockwell and then change everything about that picture. It happened again. I wallow in the fact that I don't really have family to celebrate these kinds of holidays with. You know Shirley would have a plan, even if it was for a small group. Food would be planned, fireworks would be planned. People would have been over and enjoyed the holiday. What we had was an ordinary day with a trip downtown to see fireworks. Our founding fathers fought England for independence so I could take an afternoon nap and scrape paint off my hammock. I ate a lunch filled with fat and carbs.
I am up one pound from the weekend, which really isn't bad considering my emotional state, which if you haven't figured it out is depressed. I know I am depressed. It goes along with being worried and anxious. I don't know where the depression comes from sometimes. It just takes over my body. I hide it well from almost everyone, except now I am hiding it from no one. It is probably clinical and typically situational but sometimes like this weekend it is just there. I am greyscale while the world is in living color. Despite the depression I am going to eat right today. Oatmeal for breakfast, with some blueberries. I want to avoid caffeine in the evening, so I sleep well. A multi vitamine has my name on it and I have a few projects I want to finish today. All steps in the right direction to flip up the switch that seems stuck on down.
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