I know I have not posted in a while. I have been sick. I caught a bug from a baby at work and it took a while to get over what ever it was. I keep having relapses. I am staying at the same weight since I stopped the pills, but I have not been sticking to a strict food plan. I have been exercising sporadically. I started reading a book called Weight Release. It is a spiritual psychology book. The premise is that the weight I have, or my eating habits, must serve a purpose. The book is kind of a workbook to help solve the mystery of why I am holding on to this extra weight. I am only on the second chapter and second exercise. I do think it is what I need right now. It is not a food plan, it will not tell me what to eat, it will help unlock why I eat when I eat and maybe help me find some replacement behaviors. It is called Weight Release because the author believes when you loose something you try to find it again. Loss is a negative and the author likes to view life changes as positive. I like to view life in terms that are positive. I don't want to get mired in the muck of negativity. I often do, but I don't like to.
I am struggling with something this week and I wanted to blog about it too. In two months, my co-worker and friend is going to retire. She is more than a friend. She has been one of the women in my life that I have looked to like a mom or big sister. I put people in that roll to fill that void that comes from having a dysfunctional upbringing. I have been so lucky that life has put these people in my path, to help me grow into a "functional" member of society. My heart is already breaking at the idea of having to say goodbye to seeing this person on a daily basis. I am not a good friend. I am not good at maintaining friendships. I am thoughtful and caring and am great in a crisis when called upon, but I am not good at staying connected. My past is full of friends I have pushed away or neglected because they "left" me. I know I have very serious abandonment issues and they are already beginning to affect me. We are trying to plan her "retirement" party. I want to move at a slower pace than the other people I work with. I want it to be special and right instead of easy. This is going to be rough.
