Hard to Describe

I am full of mixed emotions. I am doing well with my food choices and weight loss, but I am aggravated and edgy. I am down to 169... although on Friday the scale said 167. I think that was a momentary aberration. I am very happy with the 169 and am pretty sure I can keep it up. I am edgy because I feel like I have very little support for any positive changes I want to make. People at work are always offering food, and they do it to be kind, but I am good at saying, "No, thank you." Bob acts as if he is supportive, but then wants to take the easy way out and get food out or make something easy which tends to be fatty or carby or processed. I want to plan and shop and he is unmotivated so if we do go he is grumpy. I want to turn to my family, but they are inundated with their own health or money or family issues. I have few friends and they do not have the weight issues I have. Gotta run...things to do...people to see...miles to go before I sleep.

Not me, not me

I did something I never thought I would in a million years. The doctor gave me a prescription for an amphetamine and I am taking it to loose weight. I feel like such a cheat. I was up to 282 and was afraid I was on my way to 300 lbs. I caught a bug from a baby at work and lost seven pounds. I was at 275 when I started the medication four days ago. It only works if you eat right and exercise, but it is supposed to help with appetite. The prescription is only for three months because uppers are an addictive controlled substance. The doctor seems to think using them for three months and being successful at loosing weight will be motivation enough to keep going after the medication is no longer available. I dream about what it will be like to be thinner again. I want to be healthier, to not have painful bone spurs and get winded so easily. I want to be able to buy clothes at Costco and on the other side of the aisle again. But when it comes time to choose what I put in my mouth, I want the chocolate and the macaroni and cheese. I also feel if I am desperate enough to take drugs I should at least care enough to eat right and exercise while I am taking them. I know I have lost a little over the last four days. Bob and I went shopping for food and I plan on cooking instead of going out. If I do that and work out on the WII, with or without medication, the weight will come off. I decided to try it with medication to see if it helps. I did it, it was me. Only time will tell if it was the right decision or not. I do know I am not going to hate myself for being a cheater. I don't hate myself for my genetic make up; this Italian and Eastern European heritage that has doomed me to this hearty body type, why would I hate myself for using chemistry to control it.